LETTERS
BY OUR READERS

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A Little Note From Fraction:

First: if you send us a line to info@savantmag.com, we will assume that you are willing for us to run your letter, unless you tell us otherwise. Um, I hate copyediting these things, and normally don't. So be mindful of that.

Send us more letters, dammit.

--Fraction

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THE RESULTS OF THE FIRST "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH CECIL" CONTEST

A few weeks ago I made the declaration that anyone to correctly guess where on my personage and what the design of my tattoo is would win a prize, a copy of Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell's From Hell TPB. If you already own the trade, I'd send you a check for the dollar value of the book, thirty-five clams.

The first response I received was from fellow SAVANT Christine Fugate:

You have "I luv David" tattooed on your white ass. David Ivanick--you know it's true.

David, of course, is everyone's favorite high-schooler. A kid who, at the tender age of fifteen, already seems to understand more about life than most of us do at the age of perilously-close-to-thirty. And while my ass is indeed quite pale, there are no tattoos upon its copious landscape of flesh.

Then I got this letter, from a cat name of Albert Nguyen:

Where is the tattoo? Underneath his tongue. What does it say? "You should not be seeing this." Yessir.

I liked this one. It made me remember a guy I knew in high school. He was a fellow Punk-Rock suburban kid like myself until he went Nazi skinhead and became a prick. Attacked me with a hatchet once because I told him he was full of shit. He thought he was tough, but (and I swear to God I'm not making this up) my MOM kicked his ass once. He had come to the door and told her that his people would "Have their revenge" on me, because I had defended myself when he'd attacked me with the hatchet. It's not my fault he was a bleeder. Fuck that guy. Anyway, my mom got red-faced and pissed off, and then she punched this bozo in the guts while he cried and tried to run away. Oh yeah, he had a tattoo on his inner lip that said "Eagles", so this letter reminded me of him.

Fraction really liked this next reply, sent in by Lori Dolqueist:

Cecil has a butterfly tattooed on his ankle, which covers an earlier tattoo of his sorority letters surrounded by a garland of roses, acquired (along with a navel ring) during a Greek Week peach schnapps binge.

It's obvious why Fraction likes this one so much. He jumps at any excuse to visualize me doing feminine things. Usually, those things involve red lingerie and a waterbed, but he takes whatever he can get.

At any rate, Matt Fraction himself sent in the following entry:

your tat is of a cup of Waffle House coffee on your left ankle. You also have a tat of Herve Villachez on your right-- because you think it's funny to show everyone your "Tattoo".

Waffle House coffee. I see. Maybe that sort of tomfoolery is rampant in the Show Me State. Herve Villachez, it should be noted, also played "Knick-Knack" in The Man With The Golden Gun. He remains to this day the one midget to take down James Bond.

This next entry is from Don Campbell. Don seems to think he's already won:

Your tattoo is of the phrase "Anne Murray Ate Here" and it is located around the rim of your ass hole. I'll take the 35$ check, I already have the trade.

As much as I'd love to reward this one with something, I'm afraid I've received closer guesses. I would also like to state, for the record, that any rumors involving Easy Listening Singer Anne Murray and myself are fictitious. I've never met the woman. Then again, I used to date a girl from Nova Scotia whose dad had dated Anne Murray in high school. The real crazy thing is that this girl's mother had grown up a few towns away. And at the same time her future husband had been deflowering Anne Murray, she was dating Gordon Lightfoot. See that, my ex-girlfriend's parents connect both of the people from Nova Scotia whom anyone's ever heard of.

And this one's from Cory Brown, another presumptuous sort:

Cecil's tattoo, of the Madman "Exclamation Bolt," is on the upper part of his left arm. I'll send my mailing address once my guess is confirmed.

Close close close! Cory would have had it, had it not been for one other entry. Cory guessed the appendage correctly, but not the Hemisphere. If there were a second-place prize, Cory'd have it. Unfortunately, I'm real fucking broke right now.

The last letter is from the winner, Michael Bast:

I'm going to guess something not-too-comic-y, and say an Ankh, on his shoulder blade.

Close enough! The tattoo is, in fact, on my right shoulder. It's the design that we've all seen and love, the harp on the Guinness bottle. No kidding. I brought a Guinness label in to the tattoo parlor and paid the gal $140 to put it on my shoulder, permanently. It must be said that she did some work on it to make it look better at the increased size (quit snickering, Fraction), but it's still recognizable as the Guinness Harp! Oftentimes I'll enter a bar and bet the bartender one free beer if I have a tattoo of the same design on his tap. They love that.

So Michael Bast is the winner. Yay, and all that. Now I'm out 35 bucks. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. Shit, too late to back out now. So I'll be sending him his prize once he informs me of whether he'd rather have the brand new trade, or a check for its dollar amount. Er, Mike, maybe you'd rather have a SIGNED copy of Voltaire's trade Oh My Goth? Which retails for $9.95, and is created right here in my home of NYC? No, huh? Okay, fine. But what the Hell, Mike? A fucking AHNK? You did notice that it's JOHN Cecil, and not JOAN Cecil, right? Seriously, dude. How femme.

--John Cecil

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From: Lori Anne Dolequeist
Subject: What the Hell is Wrong with You?

...As for this week's issue of SAVANT, the excessive coverage of superheroes/DC/Marvel stuff was a bit of a snooze, the Strangers in Paradise review was nicely done (yup, I'm the stereotypical chick who started reading comics when a friend slipped me a copy of SIP), the Manhattan Chili Co. essay kicked ass (stories of being drunk and obnoxious and embarassing yourself in front of your idols are always funny), and the Media column once again had me pondering the status of the SAVANT staff: geeks? hipsters? losers? none of the above? all of the above?

Keep up the good work,
Lori Anne Dolqueist
San Francisco, CA

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This should have run last week, but I forgot. Stupid Fraction.

Um, yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's something that we three are always going back and forth about, how much is too much, in terms of inside industry content. Anyone else have any thoughts on this sort of thing?

How far is too far?

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From: Brian Winkeler
Subject: What I've done since I started reading Savant:

1. Cut the fat from my list. I don't buy a whole lot of regular books [most of mine are Drawn & Quarterly/Fantagraphics stuff], but I dropped JSA and SHOCKROCKETS. Pretty to look at, but ultimately meaningless. I do plan to email the editors to let 'em know why they've lost my monthly $2.50.

2. Buy more TPBs. Finally picked up PLANETARY and THE AUTHORITY. I'd already started taking chances on interesting-looking stuff in Previews [especially those with solid websites], but I figure it's up to me to help the 'new' comic economy thrive. I'm only buying individual issues of MARVEL BOY because I know I'll have to wait forever for Marvel to release a collection. Oh, and I learned of Savant from Ellis' Come In Alone, so I figured I'd start supporting his career. TRANSMET is next.

3. Buy more books as gifts. I've been buying Optic Nerve & Eightball compilations for my artsier friends for Christmas, but I'm starting to pick stuff up for my more mainstream friends. Sending a SIN CITY book to my brother-in-law who loves crime/action movies. Need to find someone who'll appreciate TOP TEN.

4. Speak up. Not just in defense of the medium to naysayers, but to our local comic shop guys about what we do and don't like [our regular store just closed, so we're at a new place that's more geek-oriented, but ironically, they carry more indie stuff than the old place]. And, as stated earlier, I plan to let the editors know what I'm supporting and why.

5. Create an Orphan Box. I've been planning to start giving comics out at Halloween, and the Orphan Box is an extension of that. But what kid wants 75 issues of Cerebus Bi-Weekly? It's a tough road to hoe, sometimes.

My work/comic buddy Josh and I see ourselves on the frontline of the comic guerilla resistance. Thanks for the ammo.

Brian Winkeler

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Wow, that's pretty cool.

How about others of you out there? Has SAVANT changed anything for you?

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From: Paul Gilbert
Subject: Involuntary activism

Headed home from college for the weekend, I had my backpack stolen. (I assumed leaving it next to a bush for a couple of hours in a small town would be a safe bet, but I'll have to reevaluate my morals this weekend.) The ride never showing up, the evening was occupied searching for it, and then scrambling to borrow copies of the textbooks it contained. A couple of hours later, it was found at a nearby building and returned to me, faith in humanity intact.

The comics inside were gone.

Understand that my bag had my textbooks, checkbook and parking pass (more valuable than a virgin prostitute, at this school) returned to me, untouched. So they took my comics.

And I hope to God that they read those fuckers. It was a good, diverse stash. Acme Novelty Library 3, all of Millar's Authority issues to date, some early Prometheas, and my Fortune and Glory Trade, which I'll miss the most.

Two reasons exist why a person who would pick up a stray backpack and return it would steal the comics inside: spite and greed. If they opted for spite and threw them away to punish me, they're going to hell to have their genitals grated daily by Warren Ellis. But if they read them, and enjoyed them... then I picked a pretty good activism packet. Only set me back somewhere like 40 bucks.

Your action: take some comics you may not read again, and leave them in an unmarked bag in a busy location. Fit the contents to the location, as I inadvertently did. And sit and watch.

And wait. Or say "fuck it" and go get a beer. What do I care?

-Paul

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Boy, this is probably one of my favorite letters ever, ever, ever. Thank you for writing in.

I'd propose taking it one step further, and taking photographs of the person who eventually makes off with the goods. Ahh, but what do I know?

m

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You know the drill: write us at info@savantmag.com or visit our Delphi forum at www.delphi.com/savantmag

See you next week.

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