RANT: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? BY MAUREEN McTIGUE --- Right next to my desk, on the floor, is a pile of unread comics. I mean, I have a year's worth of three different books I have yet to read, besides all the other things I've dropped on top of them. Next to my computer is a glass of antacid, but that's another story. I've been staring at this pile for months now, ever since I left my job at DC Comics and debated whether or not I should look for another job in the comics industry. Now, I know the story of why I left DC was discussed in various places and every once in a while, someone brings it up, but the tale in and of itself bores me now, so I won't bother you with details. When I walked out that door, though, I thought I'd simply close the door on my business association with comics. I say business association because I still wanted to read them-- I wanted to be a fan again. But after six years of working with comics, I was jaded. And I mean really jaded. The months before I left, I was beat. The job had beaten me. I was frustrated, fed up, and angry at things that I had control over, but weren't getting accomplished. I got up every morning hoping something would go right. I should have given it all up months before I left. But there was always that... hope. And on occasion there were things that made it worthwhile. Comics were a part of me, yet there I was, on the brink of cutting them out of my life... because I didn't care anymore. But that wasn't true. What I wanted was a new phase of life, of my life on my terms, my choices and comics didn't have a place in there. No, really, they didn't. Why the hell would I want to keep comics in my life with all the grief they caused me? All the nightmares and illness and stress and arguments... and wonderment and excitement and joy and friendship and creativity and accomplishment. But NO! I needed to do something different. I didn't want any reminders of what I had just been through. So why hadn't I gotten rid of that pile of unread comics? I left town for some refocusing and revitalization. I came back tan and looking younger than when I left, refreshed and ready to take on a new world. What I came home to were a series of phone calls from people checking up on me. And these were people I had met during my DC time. Comics people. People who wanted to make sure I was OK. People who were upset when I said I was getting out of it all; people who I respected for their work and their talent and their personalities. I can laugh about it now, while I realize that these are my people. These were the people who made me like comics, the people I wanted to work with whenever I could get the chance, people whose books I would love to make sure everyone knew about and make sure the would read. Well now, wait a second. A few of those calls led me to Wizard's new dotcom startup. Now, honestly, me and Wizard seems like odd casting to a lot of people, but I saw the opportunity. Daily coverage of the comic book industry? Oh my god. I could talk to... everyone! And then that feeling that had been dormant for so long started to come back. You know in the Grinch cartoon, when the heart grows and breaks the outline? That was me over this summer. That feeling... that passion I had had for so long was growing again. I mean, come on! I could introduce a new audience to something like Young Justice or Astronauts in Trouble. I could take the opportunity to explain why Little Nemo in Slumberland is important. I could offer up an extensive profile on colorists. I could look into the history of Spider-Man. I could... I could do a hell of a lot for this screwball industry that had given me more stomachaches than I care to admit. Man! These books are something special! I know that; I've always known that. Even when my books were late and I had to sit in meetings and lie about when the pages were going to get in, even though what I really wanted to say was, "Well, I don't know if the pages will get in since, given the chance, I'd kill my artist with the severed arm of my writer." Even when I went to conventions with previews of books and didn't like them myself, I stood behind them. "Hey, guys," I'd say. "It might not look like what you'd like, but you know as well as I do, you can't beat a comic. The least you can do is give it a try." Even when I didn't want to get out of bed and drag myself into the office, there was the chance that that day, those pages we were waiting for would show up... and I just had to see them because I knew how great they would be. No matter how frustrated, or pissed off or upset I got, that passion was there. I just hid it away. And now, well, it's starting to rear its ugly head again. So, I'm looking at that pile of unread comics again. It's a different from the pile I had at the beginning of the summer. There are brand new books waiting to be read, new issues, new writers, new artists. Sure, my friends' books are still in there, and I will get around to them. I know it will take a while to get caught up on everything... but now I want to get caught up. Doing what I'm doing now, I know I'll find myself frustrated, pissed off, fed up-- (oh, who am I kidding, I already have)-- but I'm still kicking and screaming and in comics. Now, I admit that my passion isn't as strong as it has been, but it's growing. And I'm finding myself with comics in my hand every chance I get. Because I know it's worth it. And I can't believe I thought I wanted it any other way. - - - DOWNLOAD CURRENT ISSUE: - - - If You Are Interested in Contributing to Savant. To Fully Understand Savant Distribution. To Download the Free Adobe Acrobat Reader. --- ARCHIVES ---