DAVE POTTER did not ring in the new year strung out at some party with a bunch of underage high school partiers. Nothing happened. He was certainly never left alone with any of the horny and drunk cheerleaders who were there. And there are definitely no witnesses anyway, so anything you've heard is just rumor. Don't believe any of it.

PATRICK KELLER has done some things, and is currently making plans to do other things. If you have things you'd like him to do, write some stuff and send it to patrick@psycomic.com

KEN APPLEBAUM has been on the run from bounty hunters hired by his SAVANT editors for making them put as many links in his latest column as he did. Look, he's doing it again, that little egotistical toady! And again! What the fuck, man! Despite his abilities for manipulation and obfuscation, he remains an unwanted man (read: single and unemployed). Put out a warrant for him at majestik@disinfo.net.

JOHN CECIL, a staple at the now-legendary Warren Ellis Forum New York Drink-Ups, recently upgraded his lime green iMac computer so that he's currently operating on a mid-ninties level of technology. He prefers tea to coffee, cranberry juice to orange, and he likes goats.

WARREN ELLIS is a comics writer and creator of Planetary and Transmetropolitan. His website is www.warrenellis.com

ALEC AUSTIN is a student at Reed College, doing his thesis on combinatorial game theory. He splits his spare time between editing Savant, writing stories and essays, and reading an endless succession of books and comics. Say hello at austina@reed.edu

JAMES LUCAS JONES turned his back on a bright and shiny future to make funny faces at Jamie S. Rich full-time. Do NOT e-mail him submission ideas at jjones@onipress.com.

CHRISTOPHER BARFIELD SEBELA is a human being lawnmower.

MATT FRACTION is a man of constant sorrow. He's known trouble all his day. He's matt@mk12.com.

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