The last millennium was a good one for comics. The
first millennium is generally regarded with distaste by many comics
experts, largely because critical thought holds that nothing produced
during the latter half of one's lifetime is any good, and certainly
nothing produced before one's childhood could be all that great either.
"After all," they say, "if it's so great, how come
I didn't grow up reading it?"
The other reason, critics contend, that the first millennium after
Christ's birth (see "Bible, The") could not have been a
particularly good one is that comics didn't actually "exist"
then. This is a very good point.
As they are wont to do, many other critics disagree, holding that
comics did indeed exist back then, to which the original group responds
that, no they didn't. The second group gets indignant, saying that
sequential art existed in many forms, specifically in cave drawings
and hieroglyphs. Ah ha, laugh the original critics, this is a question
of form not content, and besides, your mother is ugly. Ugly she may
be, says the second group, but at least she ain't as fat as your mama,
who thinks her nickname is "DAMN!" At which point punches
are thrown and the entire group is kicked out of the party.
Thanks a lot, say the original critics. Dicks, respond the second.
The unfortunate side effect of all this is that critics are rarely
invited to parties, making them even more bitter and resentful than
they were in the first place.
There is little critical disagreement, however, that being invented
is the high mark for comics in the last millennium. Prior to this,
very little "happened" to advance the comic book medium,
specifically nothing at all. This period, called "fore-existence"
or "proto-creation," or, in certain circles, "Ted,"
is generally considered a large waste of time and rarely mentioned
in historical texts.
After being invented, though, a lot of things happened in the comics
industry, sometimes quite often. Many of these things occurred on
a Thursday, for reasons not fully understood, though sometimes they
happened on Mondays, and, in isolated sectors, on Sundays. This is
not very important, and frankly I'm sorry I brought it up.
These "things," however, are very significant and deserve
a mention, or possibly two. There were quite a lot of them, sometimes
so much so that they were grouped together as "stuff." At
times during the last millennium, there seemed to be a lot of stuff
around. Other times, less so.
Recollection of this stuff varies wildly. Quite often, people involved
in these things were forced to deny them. Others tried to take credit
for things they had nothing to do with. Some seem to hold that most
of the stuff was crap, especially the stuff they weren't involved
in, while others disagree. (It should be fairly obvious by now that
these "Others" are troublemakers, and you would be wise
to avoid making comments about their mothers.) And so went the millennium.
Some contend that things continue to occur to this very day, though
many of these people are lying or, at least, wildly misinformed. There
is no doubt, however, that the stuff of the last millennium will continue
to affect the things of today.
As for the next millennium, well, that's anyone's guess. Will it be
as good as the last one? Can it possibly?
No. Sorry.
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Your Comic Shop Etiquette Tip of the Week!
It is generally considered polite to wait until after
you've paid for your purchases to vomit on them. However, this may
vary by geographic region. If you are unsure, don't be afraid to discreetly
inquire about your store's specific regurgitation policy.
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